


Timing Is Everything

by Ryuchu



Category: Persona 5
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 12:29:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13190118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryuchu/pseuds/Ryuchu
Summary: Because when you choose to say "I love you" for the first time can make a big difference.





	Timing Is Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Just a series of drabbles in which Akira confesses to Mishima. While they’re technically following a timeline in the sense that the first drabble takes place earliest in the story and the last drabble takes place post-game, no previous drabble influences any other. Each of these would be the first time Akira is confessing to Mishima.
> 
> Or: Alison made the call for more Shumi fics to keep the ship fic count up, so here's one from the summer that was originally only on Twitter, now posted for the cause.

“I like you.”

You blink, once, twice, and then stare blankly at his face. Your brain plays those three words over and over, like a perpetual record scratch forever repeating the same instance. Internally, the simple, blunt confession builds to a deafening crescendo, but externally all you can manage is mute staring.

It takes a full minute before your eyes slip from his face and fall to the desk.

This again.

Your last year of middle school, you had received an anonymous love letter in your shoe locker asking to meet behind school after classes let out for the day. It was so horribly cliche, but you can still feel how your heart pounded and your palms sweated as you re-read that letter until you had all but memorized its contents.

Someone had noticed a zero like you. Not only that, they noticed and they _liked_ you.

What awaited you behind school that day was a boy from your class you only barely knew and an honest-to-god confession.

At least you thought is was.

But the minute you said yes, the minute you thought that maybe you could fall in love with him, was when your tormentors seemed to emerge from everywhere. Each of them held a cellphone in their hand and wore the same sickening, twisted grin.

The things you did to make sure they all erased the videos they had taken…

A shudder runs through you as you shift uncomfortably in your desk. It’s okay, they’re not here any more, the video has been deleted. You’re safe.

Of course that means it’s time for someone else to try the same trick.

Of course that means you need to immediately shoot down any feeling in your chest that this time it might be genuine.

Of course.

It’s only you, after all.

No one would ever seriously confess to you.

Kurusu stands by your desk, moving neither closer nor further since making his sudden confession and being greeted with your silence.

“Who put you up to this? Sakamoto?” You finally ask, your eyes never leaving your desk.

“Ryuji?” You hear him answer from above you, “He has nothing to do with this.”

The sting of learning that he chose to do this entirely of his own volition hurts more than you care to admit.

“So what? You just thought it would be fun to torment me? You thought that since Kamoshida hasn’t been coming to school these past few days it was your turn to step in and remind me of my place?”

Bitterness and loathing crashes over you in equal parts as you're suddenly back in middle school once more, surrounded by a ring of bullies. For a split second your eyes meet that of the boy who had just confessed to you. He gives you an apologetic look as he's handed what looks to be a decent chunk of money before scampering off.

Never again.

You weren’t going to let that happen again.

“Mishima, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

At least the confusion in his voice seems to be genuine. However, you barely know Kurusu, the recent incident with Kamoshida being the only thing that ties the two of you together. For all you know, he could just be an incredibly talented actor. You can’t take your chances; you can’t allow yourself to be vulnerable like that again. It's too easy to get hurt when you give someone that much trust.

“I know it’s sudden,” Kurusu continues in a voice that you’re pretty sure is supposed to sound placating but just feels patronizing, “but maybe we could start with something easy? Like going for coffee sometime?”

Genuine.

It feels so genuine.

You _want_ it to be genuine.

You _want_ to think that you’re actually worthy of something approaching happiness.

But…

“You barely know me, Kurusu. Why would you just suddenly...confess like this?”

Your tone is accusing, biting - you’re daring him to prove you wrong.

“Why? There isn’t any real reason. I guess because the probation only lasts for a year, so-”

Kurusu continues speaking, but the rest is lost on you as your stomach drops to the floor. Any pesky, lingering doubts that this is anything but a mean-spirited prank instantly evaporate.

Right.

His probation.

His criminal record.

The one _you_ leaked.

Of course he would want revenge for something like that. It only makes sense that he would want to make your life as much of a living hell as his was. You can’t even blame him.

But logic isn’t going to stop the tell-tale stinging at the back of your eyes.

“...Just stop,” your voice is a hoarse whisper as you stand from your desk, the chair legs scrapping against the floor like nails on a chalkboard, “I get it. You have every right to hate me, I deserve that. But I...I can’t take any more. Please just leave me alone.”

Around you, the voices of your classmates swirl. More than once you hear your name mentioned in tandem with Kurusu’s but your mind is too frazzled to hang on long enough to hear the rest. Luckily for you, your imagination is more than happy to supplement all kinds of possibilities.

“I don’t-”

“Of course you don’t! How could you!?” you cut him off as you look up at his face for the first time since this conversation began. If he’s only pretending at this point, he has to be one of the best goddamn actors on the face of the planet.

“Please,” your tone shifts and quiets to a suppliant whine as your consciousness continues to latch onto what looks to be genuine concern, “This is the first time since I was a first year that I’ve been able to go an entire week without Kamoshida calling for me. _Please_.”

As you hastily grab your bag and head for the door, ignoring the sound of his voice behind you, you’re not quite sure what you were truly asking of him - that he leave you alone or that his confession is an honest one.

* * *

“I like you.”

The soda you had been sipping on flies instantly to the back of your throat as you fall into a coughing fit. You feel your eyes water and throat burn as you grip the edge of the table, trying to calm the spasms.

Dazedly, you look across the booth to find Kurusu standing. Judging by his expression and body language, he looks ready to rush to your side and help in whatever way he can. Although you can’t speak, you hastily gesture for him to sit back down, which he does after a moment’s hesitation. As your coughs begin to die down, you find yourself frantically scrambling for what you’re supposed to say next.

After the unexpected encounter with Akiyama and all the memories from middle school it had dredged up, you weren’t sure you would be able to keep the conversation going like normal. A voice at the back of your head just kept repeating “zero” over and over again. You were just about to suggest that you both head home for the evening, but...

A confession. He had just point-blank confessed to you.

You manage to squeak out a few more coughs, about half of which are faked to buy you some more time, before the fit finishes and you’re left with nothing but the general buzz of the restaurant to fill the gap. You keep your eyes plastered on the tabletop, silently praying that the waitress picks this moment to swing by and check on you.

Of course your prayers go unanswered and instead a heavy silence settles over the both of you.

“Sorry, probably should’ve waited until you weren’t drinking.”

He’s the first one to break the silence and although you can’t see him, you can imagine the way he’s scratching at the back of his neck. You’ve seen him do it once or twice when embarrassed.

“Yeah, that probably would’ve been good.”

“Sorry. Again.”

“No, it’s okay.”

And then the conversation runs dry as you fiddle with the straw of your half-empty drink. You know he’s waiting for you to acknowledge what he just said, but you’re not sure how you _want_ to respond. The very concept that he would like you is absurd.

As the silence drags into minutes, you keep expecting him to take it back - to apologize for making such a weird joke. Instead, he seems to have no problem letting this situation hang in a wordless limbo as you hear the clink of ice cubes being swirled in his own drink. It begins to sink in that you’re not going to be able to leave without answering this one way or another.

Nervously, you take another sip of your drink, careful to make sure you don’t choke on it this time. Your thoughts swim in your head at a dizzying speed, but there’s two that battle for dominance above all else.

Disbelief.

No one has ever shown honest interest in you and the thought that Kurusu might actually have those kind of feelings for you...you can’t even begin to wrap your head around it. Your brain is quick to come up with ten million reasons why he’s wrong, why he’s mistaken in feeling like he does and you can’t bring yourself to disagree. He _does_ deserve someone better, someone that’s not a nobody like you.

Self-Satisfaction.

The Phan-Site was still in it infancy, but that didn’t invalidate all the hours you had poured into it, the hours spent sifting through unmitigated spam that had nothing to do with the Phantom Thieves’ grand mission of reforming society. To have your efforts recognized so quickly - to have _him_ recognize you so quickly - sent a buzz humming through your veins. Already you were proving how useful you could be.

Already he was realizing just how much he needed you.

What you felt for him could be considered love, couldn’t it?

He was your savior, the one who had given you the chance to escape Kamoshida’s clutches and rise up from your status as a zero. He was everything you could ever aspire to be and it was thanks to him that you now had a place to belong.

He was the one who gave you the power you now held at your fingertips.

So surely what you felt for him was love.

Back and forth these two thoughts battled, but the whisper of him liking you ( _loving_ you, _needing_ you) grew louder and more furious until it drown out everything else. There was only one way you could respond in this situation.

As you finally look up from the tabletop, you find him absentmindedly sipping at his drink, seeming to stare at nothing.

“I like you too.”

This time it’s his turn to choke. However, even with this situation, Kurusu has more grace than you as his coughing fit dies down quickly and he’s bold enough to stare you directly in the face. His eyes seem to bore into yours and it feels like he can see everything you’re thinking.

For some reason, it makes your skin prickle.

“Are you sure?”

Why is he the one that’s uncertain? He is going to give you everything. Who wouldn’t be in love with someone like that?

“Y-Yeah...I think so?”

Of course I like you, of course I love you.

You’re a Phantom Thief after all.

* * *

“I like you.”

You can’t stop a smile from coloring your lips even as an unbidden flush rushes to your cheeks. You try to quickly hide both as you look down at the tabletop. Another night, another chance to discuss the Phantom Thieves with the leader and plan how you’re going to help them become famous; how you’re going to become known as the manager that propelled the Phantom Thieves to fame the world over.

The confession is unexpected, but you feel it spark that familiar feeling in your chest.

Gratification.

This is what you deserve; this is your reward for everything you’ve done for the Phantom Thieves.

This is your prize.

The leader of the Phantom Thieves has chosen you, among all the people in the world that he could’ve selected instead. He needs you just as much as you need him.

An powerful rush flushes through your system that surprises even you in its intensity. But isn’t it fair that you feel like this? To start from the bottom - a zero, forgettable, nothing - and to end up here, with Kurusu confessing to _you_. Who wouldn’t feel like they were on top of the world? Who wouldn’t want to revel in that a little bit.

“I feel the same way. In fact, I think I might love you.”

The bold way in which you answer is forced, but Kurusu doesn’t seem to notice as he stares open mouthed at you. To your satisfaction, you see his cheeks flushing with a bit of color. He hadn’t been expecting that; he probably thought it was going to be meek, nothing Mishima responding to his confession.

But that Mishima doesn’t exist any more.

The Phantom Thieves have given you the power to dispose of everything you were in the past and be who you have always envisioned yourself being.

Brave.

Popular.

Powerful.

They need you just as much as you need them.

You’re going to make everyone who speaks down on the Phantom Thieves see just how idiotic they are; just how _wrong_ they are. You are the one with the power to shut them up and make them understand what it means to cross the Phantom Thieves, to even dare to doubt their justice. They have given you that power and you won’t disappoint them; you _will_ make them famous.

And in turn, you’ll be famous too.

He needs you just as much as you need him.

That’s why he’s confessing. He wants to make sure that you have eyes for only him and by returning the confession, you’re going to ensure that he has eyes for only you.

Now that you have the leader of the Phantom Thieves, now that he is yours and yours alone, you’re never going to let him go.

* * *

“I like you.”

Your barking laughter rings hollow in the twisting, winding corridors of Mementos. You had been waiting, silently begging for him to say those words to you, and this is the time he decides to confess?

“Hey dumbass, I’m not the real Mishima,” you manage between laughs as your yellow eyes flicker in the dark, “He’s not going to remember anything you tell me.”

Kurusu’s posture remains relaxed as he looks at you and you can feel your blood boil.

“It’s so easy for you, isn’t it? So effortless. You don’t even have to _try_ and you’re a somebody!” You spit the words out like they’re venom, hoping it’ll get some reaction out of him, but he just keeps staring, his face an expressionless mask.

“God, you’re pissing me off! I have waited so long for you to say that you love me, even that you like me, even that we’re _friends_ , and here you are, being a coward and telling me in a world where I won’t even remember it!”

You can feel your form wavering as the anger builds.

“I have loved you for _so long_ . More than anyone, I wanted _you_ to recognize me and everything I did for you. I wanted to be useful to _you_. And here you are, confessing in such a lame way, such a stupid way. What the hell!?”

“You’re not the only one who was nervous about it.”

The quiet sound of a response you weren’t expecting forces you to pause as you stare at his face. His expression is much the same, but the eyes behind that mask seem to soften somewhat.

“I watched you get worse and worse,” He continues, his tone level and even, “I watched you get swallowed by the Phantom Thieves and it seemed like no matter what I did, you just kept getting further away.”

“So what, you’re saying this is my fault?”

“It’s both our fault.”

“Bullshit! It’s _my_ fault! That’s why you’re here, isn’t it!? You’re here to change my heart because I’ve become one of those rotten, twisted people that have to be reformed! I’ve become someone you actually care about!”

“I’m not going to change your heart, Mishima.”

“...What?”

For a brief moment, all of the anger seems to sap out of you as you stare at him dumbfounded. However, a second later, the hatred and anger comes back even stronger than before.

“Am I not good enough!? I _need_ the Phantom Thieves! I need _you_!”

“You don’t need either me or the Phantom Thieves. You can change your heart by yourself. I know you can. I’ll be waiting to hear the good news.”

And as if that perfectly settles the matter, he walks away without another word. Stunned, you watch him and the rest of the Phantom Thieves jump through the hell portal they emerged from. It isn’t until they’re gone that the anger bubbles to the surface again and you’re screaming after them even though you know they can’t hear you.

“What the hell do you know!? I’m not strong like you! You were the one who gave me strength! Without you, I’m...I’m just…”

A zero.

A nobody.

Useless.

* * *

“I like you.”

For a split second, you’re back in high school, sitting at your desk and looking up at Kurusu who stands at your side. He smiles and you can feel your heart thudding in your chest. All you can do it _beg_ that there isn’t some way for him to hear it because if he can, the cause is going to be immediately obvious.

You are hopelessly head-over-heels for him.

You have been for months now.

You know you’ll never tell him that.

With a shaky breath, you return yourself to the present as you swivel around in your chair, the most recent draft of the Phantom Thief documentary that you had been in the middle of editing still gripped in your hands. Kurusu stands in your kitchen, his hair disheveled from sleep, but his eyes clear and direct.

A part of you wants to write it off as sleep talking, either that or it’s something you’re dreaming, but everything around you seems so solid it’s difficult to dismiss. When you had agreed to allow Kurusu to stay in your apartment for a few days as compensation for his help with finishing up the documentary, you had been careful to pack away any lingering feelings.

But the gentle and unexpected sound of his voice behind you has brought everything crashing down on you again. Kurusu looks at you expectantly as your courage begins to falter and your eyes fall to the documentary.

“You know, if you had told me that back in high school, I probably would’ve just about died from disbelief that the feeling was mutual.”

“...You liked me back then?”

“I’m surprised you didn’t pick up on it,” You respond with a genuine laugh, “I was a lot of things back in high school, but ‘subtle’ certainly wasn’t one of them.”

“I...there was a lot I missed back then.”

“Well, you were rather busy.”

“Yeah, I guess I was.”

And the conversation ends just as suddenly as it began. Nervously, you play with the corner of the first page of the documentary and listen to the gentle sounds of the nighttime around you. You’re going to have to be the one to push this conversation forward and you know it, but where you’re pushing it is altogether unknown. With a sigh, you decide to do about the only thing you can do in this situation - speak honestly.

“Of all the things I expected to happen when I asked to meet with you again, this was probably one of the last,” your voice is unexpectedly shaky, but you continue to force yourself to push forward, “I spent weeks making sure that everything I felt for you back then was as buried as I could make it. I didn’t want to force my friendship back on you, let alone my feelings.”

“You’re not forcing anything.”

“Maybe not now, but I certainly was back then. I was terribly clingy. You had every right to get as annoyed with me as you did.”

You hear the sound of Kurusu stepping closer and you pull your eyes up from the documentary. He still stares at you with those bright, clear eyes and you keep telling your heart that it shouldn’t be beating this hard - that this wasn’t high school and puppy dog crushes weren’t meant for people that were graduating college in two years - but your memory just kept snagging on how this whole conversation started in the first place.

I like you.

“...I’m sorry.”

Your expression turns to one of confusion at how sincere the apology feels. For some reason, your heart beats even faster than when he confessed.

“W-What are you apologizing for?”

“I’m not quite sure,” he responds with a lazy smirk that you know all too well but haven’t seen in years, “It just felt like the right thing to say at the moment. Was it?”

“I...guess that depends on what you wanted to accomplish.”

“Maybe a coffee date with Mishima? Nothing serious. Just as a little...step in the right direction."

“Hm...well, I suppose you can consider it mission accomplished then, oh Phantom Thief of Heart.”


End file.
